Said the Raven, “Nevermore”
HAUNTING DIARIES: A CAUTIONARY TALE
Dear Diary – Woke this morning in a fishnet bodysuit, seasick on a sloshing blue waterbed.
A “God, Guns and Glory.” tattoo faded on the bulging bicep of the naked man snoring next to me. Technically, next to an empty fifth of Wild Turkey and Tarot cards strewn between us – “THE MAGICIAN” card slipped between my sweaty breasts.
Storm winds gusted through a broken window tangling his spider web blonde mullet, lying on a bare pillow. Underneath it, a 38 special nosed toward my face. What, where and who the hell was this?
Dear Reader: I have faithfully kept diaries since the fifth grade. I have NEVER inscribed a scene nearly as salacious as the above – at least not before Junior High! My (FICTIONAL!) prologue serves only to grab your attention, and to illustrate a point.
Point being: Anyone who has poured deep dark desires into a diary, will at some point ask this question:
“What if I die suddenly, and my mother, husband, dealer, daughter, probation officer, etc., finds this diary and discovers the details of my sordid life? I’ll be unable to flee, plead insanity or defend myself.”
This, my Brave Fellow Diarists, is the risk we take. Why do we do it? A range of motives comes to mind – narcissism, revenge, personality disorders or just plain boredom. In my case, all of the above applies.
My father, Emmett Lloyd Lee, died July 1, at age 89. As he went into self-imposed exile on his 80th birthday, I pleaded with him to to record his life in three guided-questions diaries that I gave him. Wildly eccentric, a natural humorist, in the Southern Gothic tradition, he compulsively filled every page, baring all.
Dad, circa 1955
Below is a random entry, one of my favorites.
Question: “LIST ALL CELEBRITIES YOU’D LIKE TO HAVE SEX WITH”
MARTHA WASHINGTON FIRST FIRST LADY/SEX ICON
BARBARA BUSH – SEXIEST WOMAN ALIVE!
Dad’s Answer: “This book is obviously not meant for Octogenarians. But here goes:
- Caesar Augustus’ wife, Livia
- Catherine the Great
- Alexandra, the last RussionTsarina
- The last Chinese Empress
- Eleanor Roosevelt
- Queen Elizabeth
- Queen Victoria
- Margaret Truman
CATHERINE THE GREAT Need we say more?
-
Tillie the Toiler
- Winnie Winkle
- Martha Washington
- Mary Todd Lincoln
- Scarlett O’Hara
- Joan Crawford
- Lillian Russell
- Mata Hari
- Madame Maria Espengalia
- Lady Bird Johnson
- Old Mrs. Bush
- Alice Roosevelt
- Jenny Lind
- Amelia Earhart
- Hillary Clinton
- Frances Lee (my wife)
- The Queen of Sheeba
- The lost love “whom the angels named Lenore” – from Poe’s “The Raven
Alison Law
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